leemay

2011-12-23T02:24:00.002+08:00

Happy birthday to feng Ming Ming.

If feel so terrible right now. I do not want any expensive and materialistic stuff. I jus wan a you physically to be with me right now. How can I fall aslp w.o that bolster which is full of an animal smell? I am addicted to that smell. It's my drug. My cure for my everything.

I have alot of things to do yet I do not have the time to do those stuff. I feel so useless. School family and alot alot of stuff to do and to buy. All not done.

Xmas is coming. Pocket's hole is burning bigger. But I feel so happy when I spend and when I buy for others. Hoping to see them smile when they receive the present.

Time to do some research. Goodnight.

2011-12-22T01:23:00.001+08:00

Once again, i teared.

Because, i am touched.

2011-09-21T16:28:00.001+08:00

~~Happy birthday to you...~~

2011-09-06T02:32:00.002+08:00

I hate the scars on my body.
I hate this terrible September.
I hate my Birthday.
I hate myself.

Nothing good will happen this September.
It started off with anger from Isetan and so on..
I not dare to hope much, as i knew that it will be as usual, disappointment...

I need a doctor.
Hopeless, lost, worthless.

Goodnight.

2011-08-15T12:25:00.000+08:00

So cute.

2011-08-03T10:48:00.002+08:00

I am so tired =(

I want to sleep.

Rushing Rushing MP.

Have alot of stuff on hand to complete, but i just feel tired. Feel like sleeping.

2011-08-02T11:25:00.000+08:00

Crying doesn't help to solve the problem,

It will only help you to feel better..

2011-07-27T12:47:00.002+08:00

I love the hug last night =)

Early in the morning, woke up having diarrhea.

So terrible, whole morning keep running to toilet.

I am so sleepy.. Yet have to do work..

"If you are standing for nothing, then you will fall for anything"

I took quite awhile to understand this sentence.

& there is only 1 reason why i am standing.

We are enjoying the days with gigalop. Aren't we?

KFC tonight Please??

I will be lost, if i lost you..

2011-07-25T15:34:00.003+08:00

I don't feel any love.

Why can't you ask me why and understand me instead of pushing all the blame to me?

I felt like an abandoned.

I have a family, but it seems like that home, is just a shelter over my head. Just A place for me to sleep.

2011-07-24T02:17:00.004+08:00

When the injured right hand help to clean the wound of the injured left hand..

What happened totally explained the words up there, "No one walked the path we did"

Life and death we had been through together.

Hand in hand, we will walk towards the future.

2011-07-19T00:47:00.000+08:00

8 more hours.
I am afraid.

2011-07-12T11:35:00.002+08:00

1 more month to 2years, it's so fast.

This Year, baby is going to ride me there.

To visit my yuan yuan..

As usual, a stalk of white flower, the big blue sea, & i am with my baby..

2011-07-07T15:46:00.000+08:00

2011-07-06T09:57:00.002+08:00

Not a single ____.

I am so disappointed.

Although i already know that it will going to happen, but when i know the truth, i can't deny it. I am disappointed.

I miss you all..

2011-07-05T16:33:00.001+08:00

I miss you...

2011-07-01T13:15:00.002+08:00

Just a forgotten person.

I don't know what had happen.

I just have to blame myself.

I made that decision, i shouldn't blame anyone, is just that in times like now, i do feel lonely.

Very lonely, just like an abandoned.

Last wkend is really fun.

=) If everyday is like last wkend at malaysia, we don't have to worry about money, don't have to hear naggings, don't have to worry about school, about work.

That's how life should be. Happy & Peaceful.

Because a ~~girl~~ guy like you, is impossible to find, impossible to find. . .

2011-07-01T13:09:00.003+08:00

I wan yuan yuan..

I wan to sleep..

I am so lonely..

2011-06-30T16:42:00.001+08:00

I am using coffee to cheat myself everyday.

2011-06-29T13:08:00.003+08:00

Happy 19th Birthday Fiona!

________________________________________________________________________

I am so enjoying my holidays at malaysia and coming is batam!

haha, That burned a big big hole in my pocket.

Swollen pig legs just recovered.

Very sway, I bet something bad will happen to my leg again!

2011-06-22T13:09:00.004+08:00

Happy Birthday my baby!!

2011-06-15T13:14:00.002+08:00

Dying may not be a solution to solve problems. ; This is for people who are healthy and lead a good life.
~~Dying is a always a solution to solve problems , ; This is for people who are feeling helpless and hopeless.~~

Worthy is the lamb, Seated on the throne. High and lifted up, Jesus son of god, The darling of heaven was crucified, Worthy is the lamb.

2011-06-15T09:47:00.002+08:00

~~So sick of going to the doctor..~~
~~So sick of coming to the workplace..~~
~~So sick of myself..~~
~~If god give me a chance to live with him, i would.~~
~~If i can help others, then who can help me?~~

~~You can't help it, because the world is round, people do change.~~
~~The fact is i changed too.~~

2011-06-10T16:15:00.003+08:00

You made kitty =( when you said that you don't want to go lunch with her on that day..

Her Heart sank so deep into the sea, she thought that it will nv float up again...

After reading that particular post somewhere, kitty misses you so much!

She smile and smile like an idiot & her heart floated up into the air....

Then kitty realised that she is .....

That king =)

2011-06-03T16:33:00.002+08:00

Someone lost long ago messaged me last night with suck a shocking news. Haha, even though i cant go, jus wish you all the best. =)

Back here, i have been rotting the whole day.

Nothing to do here, and my baby is so sweet today.

He purposely came down to airport and had sakae sushi with me for lunch! <3

I owe him a meal. Darling, swenson icecream tonight? Hehe..

After baby left, i feel so empty.

I am so so so looking forward to batam, but due to time constrain, can only go next month.

But it's okay, at least i can bring my bangala to the nearest peg for the time being!

He is so cute. Hehe. BANGALAAAAAA!!

2011-05-30T12:09:00.002+08:00

Afraid, lost, worried and pain.

I hate my health, seriously.

Now i know why have my memory gone poor recently.

I can't think. When i start thinking, my head will start to ache.

Why why why.

So sick of waking up early in the morning everyday, squeeze on the bus and sit down here staring at the computer for 10hours everyday.

17 more weeks to go. It's just the 8th weeks and im so sick of it.

When i was young, i want to grow up to be an adult.

When i was in primary school, i wish to grow up fast to study in a secondary school.

When i was in secondary school, i wish to grow up fast to study in polytechnic.

When i am in polytechnic, i wish to graduate and go into university or start a working life.

When i am now "enjoying" the working life, how i wish wish wish i am back in polytechnic.

When i am back at polytechnic, i will be wishing that i am back in secondary school.

Put aside all the nonsense that i have said, truely, Secondary school life is the best.

Although i wasn't in a very good school, but that is the place where i felt the happiest as compared to primary sch and polytechnic.

I found my good friends there, i found the best teacher there, i found the best nugget best hotdog there and most importantly i found my best best beloved baby there.

I remembered how i will talk and laugh with jiamin every morning, disturbing cynthia every day, eat with the girls every recess and mdm quek will say good morning to me every morning.

Thinking back, i felt so old suddenly.

I love the days in uniform.

No worries, no troubles, Just Mathes and Science everyday.

2011-05-26T14:23:00.002+08:00

Feeling giddy, i hope that i won't faint.
Baby, nothing will happen to me. I have the piece of stainless steel protecting me =)

2011-05-23T17:24:00.002+08:00

Head is so pain pain pain, and i am so tired.
Idk how my tagboard got those virus.
It's so irritating.

I feel sad at the wakes, thinking about the past, every thing seems to have change.
Oh, don't be surprise if you don't see her in my funeral!
Scary CAT!

I hate to wake up every morning for work!
30more mins and i am going home!
To snore from 7pm to 7am! Happy!
7th wks of attachment, 18 more wks to go =)

2011-05-12T10:54:00.000+08:00

It is raining outside.
Even the sky is feeling down.
My heart sank deep down, and i guess it won't float up again.
I am feeling down too

2011-05-03T12:40:00.002+08:00

Do you know how irritating is it to put up with someone that u hate so much everyday!
Yet still got to work together for major project and work!!
I hate that!

Counting from 11th April to 30th Sep, which is.... 5 months and 3 weeks!
3wks is gone! i am left with 5 months!

"Osama die already lei."
Love told me this when i am sleeping. And my reaction was, Orh.
Hehe. I never dont believe you la, but people sleeping mah!

I feel so terrible.
I should cut my nose away!

2011-04-20T16:21:00.001+08:00

Spent and wasted my time doing nothing, sufting the net. This is what happens when supervisor is not around = no work given. BORED!

I had a nice nice very nice past 3 days, thank you baby =)

I placed a calendar at my table, counting down every day to the coming of 30^th Sep! Every time I crossed out a date, a smile will be seen from my face. How am I going to survive this … (counting down) 5 months and 9days = (

I realized I am happier working in isetan. I have friends there and I still get to see my boyfriend.

So so so tired for waking up at 7am or 8am every day, isetan or CAI. Feel so shitty. I forgotten when was the last time I had my last long long 13hrs slp. I am getting less than 7 everyday. And so, I am starting to love public holidays!!

It is 4.21pm now. How can I survive to 6pm??

I hate facing the laptop for 10hrs/ day. I rather face didi.

2011-04-14T13:37:00.001+08:00

It is so boring here. Nevermind, better than doing things.
Lunch, is such a waste of money. Head pain, eye tired =(
Baby say that i am sick. I am not la!
So bored. I rather work isetan.

2011-04-01T00:51:00.002+08:00

A stress~less malaysia. =)

Unlike a shity place i am in now.

2011-03-31T23:21:00.002+08:00

星期四，晴天。

外表最美丽的蛋糕并不是最好吃的。

反而，外表普通的蛋糕才是最可口的。

I don't know why am i facing all these shit.

It has always been so shity ever since i stepped into that school.

Did i made the wrong decision?

IT'S A SHITY MORNING.

Shit that i have to face for the next few months.

I am stressful, I am sad, I am feeling terrible.

隐藏在心中的千言万语，不能说也不能表现出来，好辛苦哦。

曾经坚强的丽梅，变得脆弱了。

家庭改变了我，朋友改变了我，身旁的一切变得好可怕。

我已经不能说出心里话了。

我很害怕，有一天，当我最大的靠山到了，我也会跟着的到下去。

我不期望未来的几个月。那即将会变成我人生的最可怕的一场恶梦。

放弃是逃避还是最好的解决方法？

我不能放弃，我不能对不起对我有企盼的人。

失望，无助，无奈，是最适合形容我现在的感受了。

2011-03-28T12:42:00.001+08:00

FUCKER! I HATE YOU!

2011-03-10T19:20:00.001+08:00

why am i spending money on doctor every month?

Troubles. go away.

I don't like myself!

2011-03-05T03:31:00.002+08:00

He told me, no one love me, no one wants me, no one will bother about me.

Suddenly, a voice tell me, "God will always be there for you, god will love you, god wants you"

Am i alone?

No friends, no family, all alone?

I don't feel any love, i don't see any care.

Baby made me believe in this sentence, "There must be a reason behind everything."

I know why i met you, I know why am i experiencing these, i know why i am starting to break down.

Coz, i am weak, i need you & i'm missing you terribily now.
& i believe that my belief will come true, Happiness is awaiting for me, everything that happened is guiding me to the happiness, it's okay if no one wants me, no one wants to be friend with me, no one wants to be there for me. Coz i know, my love and god will always be there for me. I am not alone.

Sometimes i thought, this world is just a dream that seems so real to everyone. We are all living in a dream. In actual fact, we are in some other places. & that's when we are dead, we return to that place & that marks the end of this dream. We may feel happy, hurt, jealous, sad etc in the dream. Eventually when we return to that place, where we are from, there is where we find peace.

And, this dream, is named "life"

Life and death.

It's fated. We shall not be afraid.

& i remember my promise to you.

I will not break any of our promise anymore.

It's all about, "I need you, i want you & i really love you"

Nothing is more important than you to me.

I will get myself out of this shit.

You must sleep well everynight, because my heart will hurt.

Baby, do well tmr.

Remember, do your best, and you will not regret coz, u tried.

2011-03-04T20:40:00.002+08:00

I have so much to say, so much to type, so much to type. Whenever that piece of white paper came to me, it all went blank.

No one will believe what i say except them. It's just like how i use to doubt them in the past. I'm walking into the world. There must be a reason why yea?

All left alone at home today.

I wasted the day.

Finally, im left alone again. I started to think.

Sometimes, jealousy and greediness kills.

Whenever you sing, my heart melts.

I might look calm, but deep in my heart, it's bouncing so fast.

Depress, depressed, depression.

See the flow?

I need the courage.

Sometime, you just have to trust the feeling from your heart.

I'm not afraid anymore.

I will stand up on my own.

Get some sleep. You are tired.

You need to be awake and strong in order to fight this battle with me =)

2011-02-21T11:56:00.003+08:00

It's a scary night.
I wondered why didn't the camera work when it was facing a certain direction.
They are around, but i can't see them.
When i am so so so not myself, sqwarting there.. From far, i saw that big piece of leaf hanging on the tree look like a dead human hanging there facing me. I told myself that it's a piece of leaf, but the picture in my brain telling me that it's a human hanging dead there.
Didn't that man walked into the bush and disappear in my sight? Why did he appear sitting on the grass patch at another side? He look weird.

Everything that happened that night.
Put the hurt and pain aside, after analysis, everything is weird.

We can't explain in words.
Even my mum don't believe me. There's only a reason why i experienced those nightmare.
Someone want me to believe what you say. The unbelievable truth.

& I keep have the feeling to run into that stairs that night.
Get lost in the bush. But something is pulling me back, telling me that even i run into that stairs, You will not be chasing me.. I will get lost. and that's it.

2011-01-30T01:51:00.002+08:00

I am so tired. I need sleep sleep sleep.

As long as i try, i will be able to do it! =)

I will not allow anything or anyone to fail this big project of my life.

Forgive like how god forgive you.

Sometimes, human is just too selfish.

2011-01-27T22:17:00.003+08:00

Just a second of life and death, i'm glad that nothing happen last night or it will be regret and regrets and tears.

It doesn't matter who save you, be it the speaker, darren protecting you or god looking after you. I thank anyone that save you, and did not bring you away from me =)

That smile of yours, is from the heart. Deep down inside.
I can see, and feel.

Everything of yours are perfect.

Baby, i love you.

2011-01-21T01:24:00.001+08:00

Her name is BELL!!

She is a bear who bring me hope and love.

& of course its from someone i love!

She's holding on a heart shape!

Unique yea?

I love YOU! pig.

2011-01-21T01:11:00.004+08:00

The tako and the softshell crab that always make my love drip his saliva!

It will be a tiring day and week ahead.

So many project to hand in at one shot.

& PM is a killer!!!!

3 more days to complete. ARGH. I want my sleep!

i know what that song means, "more than words"

Actions proves more than words does.

Went chinatown with ai ai today.

=) oh, i love that jelly jelly. Wanted to buy, but its expensive la

Nvm, 1yr go 1 time eat for free!

Helium balloons are so nice, i didnt had balloons for dk how many years already!!

Is the heart that counts, not the balloon. My Silly. <3

2011-01-19T01:23:00.002+08:00

I am so tired. Anyway, althought i am tired, i had a great day with my ai ai.

Hokkien mee ah!! Chicken wing ah!! If add in fei fei + rojak how wonderful is it!

x5 is tempting me!

I need some blessing, I am afraid yet hope tmr come soon.

Should everything be good, and i think i know what to do..

2011-01-09T23:27:00.002+08:00

我所做的，是对的吗？心是平静的，还是乱的，我也搞不清楚了。我还是安静地等吧。

I really want to go to the place i say that i will fufill the promise i gave. But i'm afraid. I'm alone. No one will be there for me.

Last night, so scary. No one will believe me. The feeling is terrible. My heart was beating so fast after i force myself out of that dream. I can't breathe, someone is pressing me, someone is binding my eye, someone is stopping me to call for help. After i woke up, I'm glad that i see didi with me, cooling me down. I'm too tired, i went back to sleep again. I went back into the dream again, the force pressing on me. I force myself to wake up, walk around and drink water. The dream seem so real. It's so scary.

I start to hate the feeling of being alone.

It's so scary.

2011-01-07T02:01:00.002+08:00

WHAT's MINE, WILL BE MINE!

What am i actually thinking?

I don't have good English knowledge like others do, i dont have some vain knowledge like others do. I am just myself. Is comparison needed?

I do not even understand myself nowadays, and im glad that i am able to control myself today, and didn't get the matter worst.

I would rather you break my feet, pour acid over my face rather than u hurt my heart.

My pitiful swollen eyes, dripping wet nose, swollen throat. It went wrong everywhere. Sick!

The song says that you should return things that you have borrowed from others. Nope, i'm gonna to eat up the share, i'm not returning the stuff on my hands! I'm going to learn to be selfish and keep what i love to myself. Because god loves silly kids.

Mummy, i need you. Can you hear me?

I want my mum.

God will take away something from you when he give you other things that you like. He took mine away & gave me my happiness. I was crying today, i want my mum. Why didn't i have a mum who can understand me, listen to me, hug me when i cry? Why do i have to master the skill of crying silently. Why must i always have to cry alone. I need a mum's hug. I am sad, but i couldn't voice out my sadness. Mummy, i want to tell you i want you. Don't have to ask me why. I just want you to hug me and hear my cry. I'm a kid too. I need my mum's love. I have a mother, but why didn't i have what a kid suppose to have.

Tears comes with Chinese New Year

I dislike crying alone. I don't want others to see my tears. Meiting ever once told me that leemay don't cry. Yea, I don't cry in the past. What happened? I hate myself. I hate my actions and my thinking. Why do i always have to regret things that i did. I am sad, but who can i voice out to?

Happy New Year, it's never happy since don't know when. I remember myself sitting at the bus stop waiting for bus alone at night on the 1st day of cny, everyone dressing so pretty and looking so happy. & me? I have new clothes, but i dont have the chance to wear it. Cny, it's nothing to me. Joy? So long ago. I think i've forgotten how to pass cny happily. It's not and never happy anymore. Get use to it.

COMPLICATIONS

Everything have changed, and everyone changed. The world is not as simple as what i think. When people around you are cunning and try to back stab you, you turn cunning too. To protect yourself. Why is this world so complicated?

DOCTORS ARE CHEATERS!

They cheat your money.

This month, i've to go back to the same place and sit there wait a few hours before i can see a doctor. Idk how much money i am going to spend again. That's what the olds say, "When people are poor, they cannot get sick, they can only die." I'm afraid and idk what i will hear from the doctor. Shouldn't be something serious. But i just couldn't get rid of the fear in my heart. Why am i so weak?

GLOBAL WARMING & YOU CAUSED THAT.

Let the ice melt, and all shall sink.

The end of this world. You are ending your life yourself.

Aren't you?

What's for the night?

Airport System assignment.

Oh assignments, You sucks totally!

这个世界也不算差，因为上天赐给了我，你。

2010-12-28T00:20:00.002+08:00

It was a month ago when i last blog. haha, nth to talk about.
Anw, HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY TO FENG FENG.

Hmm, last wk was xmas, this wk will be newyear, next wk will be that sucky sch!
It's okay, i look forward to chinese new year!
The sad festival. But... haha, it's still a sad festival.
Where i get to see others going around visiting, getting so pretty and wearing new clothes.
And mine? It's better not to think about it. =)

Sorry.
I spoilt the day.

2010-11-23T01:13:00.002+08:00

Life is full of ups and downs.

I feel... so silly.

Walking into tt no no trap.

Because i know tt i will regret, i pulled myself out from tt trap and i gain happiness.

He is my happiness. Up and down we went through.

Despite of all the downs we had, i still have him with me.

Like a gift from the heaven, like a gold i found.

Precious.

My baby, i love you.

________________________________________________________________

The coming Thursday, seems to be so scary.

Idk what would be seen from that screen.

Hopefully, see something, or i might have to pay more for other scans.

For the better, i pray.

For him, for me & for all.

2010-11-15T00:18:00.002+08:00

心乱了。已到了山顶的尾端，
我不知道我的明天还存在吗。
我很怕，却很期待。我想慢慢地找回我自己。
那，快乐健康的我。

我很怕，我真的很害怕。
有时会觉得疼，不想说出，怕他担心。
丽梅生病了。

2010-10-23T12:38:00.002+08:00

did not blog for don't know how long already.

I just dont feel like touching the laptop. Stay away from social life.

School is starting real soon.

I don't feel like going school. But timetable is quite alright i guess.

Lesser time in sch =)

The days hugging the laptop to bed with panda eye everymorning is back.

Yucks. It sucks.

=) love love love you!

2010-10-10T01:13:00.001+08:00

It was don't know ___ months ago since i last slept on the bus, on the way home.

I did it again today. Too tired i guess.

The blog was left to rot.

I don't feel like blogging.

I'm happy with the life i'm leading now.

Love me.

2010-09-29T23:01:00.002+08:00

19hrs more! =)

Such a failure. I used 1hour to melt the chocolate bar when others can do it within few mins.

Haha, and the result was, 50% well done. Fail!!!

Lack of skill.

I miss you.

2010-09-29T00:59:00.002+08:00

Msn and internet are driving me crazy, making me so so lonely.

Sometimes i tend to suspect that something is wrong with my phone when it doesn't ring as often as it is suppose to be.

Every minute seems like hours, every hours seems like days, and every days seems like month.

The feeling is different than before. I guess i had an answer in my heart.

It's 1.02am, officially wednesday yea? Which means my bright smile would be back tomorrow.

So tough, Every night and day is a torture to me =(

Thursday faster come. I will be a good girl. It would be wonderful if i could sleep through the 4days. Time past faster while i'm sleeping.

Lonliness, i hate you.

Oh, work today is driving me mad too. But time passes very fast when you are busy. Can i, Can i fast forward the time? Ming ming said she stood there 10min and i didn't see her! Haha, too busy i guess.

Everytime i look up the sky and saw a plane. I have the urge! Really! But i knew i can't =(

When i was happy about my gpa, classmate made me feel sad. Others got 3.7 with z grade. What are their brains made off ah? How how how, how can i make my results go up up up?

I am going crazy. I am feeling so sad, so lonely, so lifeless, so ........... dead.

爱情能把不可能变成可能,

爱情可以让人失去理智,

爱情能让人痛, 泣, 乐, 伤, 生, 死.

我好寂寞哦=(

2010-09-27T14:19:00.003+08:00

I woke up this morning feeling so empty w/o you by my side.
When i tried to imagine, i teared.
Empty and lost.
FInd me back in the jungle.

2010-09-26T23:58:00.002+08:00

This is the place!
Where we ate lobster, crab, prata, laksa, lala, prawn, ramily burger & Marybrown!!
Haha, it's so relaxing there and i don't wish to come back to singapore!
Over there, we can spend money like water, we can eat & sleep & eat & sleep.

Anyway, it's still so so so damn fun there!
Oh, cats & dogs there are pitiful, why aren't they born in singapore?
When kids here were playing with stupid things, kids there were selling ramily burger making business. You see the difference?

Results improved.
& i'm gonna to continue working hard.
4days. How am i suppose to pass those days?

2010-09-23T01:24:00.002+08:00

Thanks to everyone, i had a happy birthday.

Surprises, cards and love.

I know it well in my heart.

Leemay is going off for holiday in a few hours time!

Excited and happy! =)

2010-09-21T00:41:00.002+08:00

20th sept is a very very unlucky day!

Officially broke feet for a year.

The now, last year was spent crying to bed.

The 20th sept is a very very unlucky day too!

Phew. If it's fated that you are going to die at that very moment, no matter where you go, what you do, you will still die!

I am looking forward to tomorrow tomorrow tomorrow and all the tomorrow!

LOBSTER! I am going to bite you!!

2010-09-20T00:47:00.001+08:00

Days/hours/mins/seconds at home sucks.

How am i going to survive pig?

I am also a chopstick.

Oh, Birthday....

Some lobster making my saliva drip =P

2010-09-18T01:49:00.004+08:00

"We all need that person who can be true to you"

Have you found yours?
I found mine. hehe.

Anyway, i am starting to enjoy/ appreciate such music.
It's nice. =)
Love, is able to make you change. Everything.

Birthday is coming in 4days time.
I don't feel any excitement at all.
Why? Maybe, nothing good will happen on my birthday? or i'm turning 18, getting old.
That's the problem with human. When we are young we dreamt to be old. Now, when we are old, we dream to go back to the past when we were kiddy. Exactly what i am feeling right now!
No more discount going to polyclinic! =( Stay Strong is the only way out.

Birthday, it seems like the first time celebrating my birthday with you.
Haha, birthday for the past 2 years were spent with tears. This year? Idk.
It's just a day to remind you that you are getting older.
Mooncake festival being my birthday. No cakes, but mooncake! I only eat the lantern pig.
Sad. For no reason, I am just feeling sad/angry/happy/sweet/love/fortunate.
Crazy me.

"Dear god, the only thing i ask from you

is to hold ~~her~~ him when i'm not around

when i am much too far away"

2010-09-18T01:02:00.002+08:00

The only word to describe the entire feeling now is TERRIBLE!
Angry yet sad yet happy.
You can jolly well go and die man.
Don't mind me using the f word, WTF. Bloody angry now, why am i treated as if i am a maid.

Yes, when i am damn angry now i couldn't even find a soul to talk to.
Where are you people?
Even the closest one is not here.

AAARRGGGHHH!!! #$^&(*&^%$#w%^&*(*&^%$#w@#$%^%$%^&^*%^%$#%^&%^
I can't stand it! i am so angry!!!!

Yea, let it burn.
Let's all die before 30, at 29 to be exact
The world sucks.

2010-09-16T11:03:00.002+08:00

Short & Sweet steamboat =)

只要是和你所爱的人，
一起吃一碗快熟面也是一种幸福。

2010-09-15T01:35:00.002+08:00

My dear fiona, this is a post specially for you!
I went to dig my small little thumbdrive in my bag with my wet nails.
I didn't forget you my good friend, is just that i cant find the pictures!
It's all over! We shall take more alright?
More ugly/pretty pictures! =)

2010-09-15T01:31:00.002+08:00

What can i say?
YES! Exam is finally over, and i screw the paper up!
The last paper, bye my 'A's.

Please, i pray so hard for my gpa to go up up up and up!
Head is aching like my shoulder now.

UNIQUENESS!
Because leemay love things and human that are unique,
as unique as my mum, you will never see a mum like mine.

Feel the Love.

2010-09-12T19:24:00.002+08:00

Exams are such troublesome.
Anyways, life are much happier nowadays.
=)

Tomorrow the last one!
Give the last shot man!!!!!!!

2010-09-08T04:00:00.003+08:00

It's 4am in the morning of wednesday.

I am awake studying for cargo paper at 9.30am.

Didnt manage to sleep well for the whole week.

Not even 5hours of sleep each day.

Exam sucks man! Sucking away all of my brain juice.

Lucky that i found some booster to keep me fresh and awake! =)

Lets see if i could survive till the day break.

I am fighting the war alone, oh books love me please!!

Anyway, leeweeli never fail to kill all of us.

He killed me at mcq section. careless!!! WTH!

Cargo in 5hours time.

God be with me please.

I am so gonna to push my GPA up! At least a 3. I hope.

Even the sky falls,

I will still be there for you.

2010-09-06T12:17:00.002+08:00

Airfield is over & leemay is dead, left alone to face flight ops, the killer subject.
Airfield is manageable, if i have a brain like theirs, i would score full marks.
That implies to all the other subject.
Dream on man!
The week seems so long yet so short.
Exams, you never rocks, but you rocks my brain and gave them quake.

Sleep is so important.
I am suffering from aches.
& i missed that bed with that strong smell giving me strength & a really goodnight sleep.

2010-09-04T13:30:00.003+08:00

The pain is killing me,
The loneliness is killing me too.

I'm just like a book, you can read me easily.

The nurses in the polyclinic sucks.
Yes, you close at 12.30! kns.

The burden will be put down, on the 13th. After all my papers.
I had a bad feeling.
Perhaps i am just too sensitive.
Nothing good will fall on my birthday.

2010-09-04T01:08:00.003+08:00

是我太笨了？还是有点单纯？

因为人心险恶，有时候太简单，太单纯反而会被别人给吃了。

What's wrong with me?

My health is failing.

Pain everyday. It not only irritates others, and also me myself.

Whole body hurts. What's wrong?

The pain is killing me. Exam is here, i can't fall sick.

You are too selfish.

Let me fail.

因为爱而泣，

因为爱而乐，

因为爱而愁，

因为爱而死。

2010-09-02T02:43:00.002+08:00

Will my wish come true?

Does birthday wishes come true?

You know my wish, as simple as it could be.

这种感觉，我说不上来。我只知道，能开心的过一天就是一天。
今日不知明日事。
或许白头到老只是一种遥远的梦想，当发根还没换色时，人哪怕就不在这世界了。
生命是脆弱，短暂的。
为何人们都在明争暗斗呢?

2010-08-31T01:09:00.002+08:00

I am afraid of the dark and dare not sleep.

If life is going to continue like this, i don't know how am i going to survive.

Anyway, they call it the sleep paralyse. HUH?

It's getting scary.

Sleep is meant to be a beautiful thing.

How can i not sleep!!!

But sleeping is so scary to me now.

Who want to help me =(

Exam is in a weeks time.

How can i not sleep!

Am i too tired?

I AM SO SCARED NOW! KEEPING MY EYES OPEN BIG! ANYTHING HAPPEN, I AM ABLE TO SHOUT AND RUN!

1 word to describe, stupid!

2010-08-27T02:52:00.003+08:00

Messed up feelings.

Leemay, you sucks.

On the laptop specially to blog. Alot of things are stressing me. No one can i speak to. Keep silence doesnt help, even though i hope, really hope that it does.

Be clear of your conscience.

Exam's coming, i am not in the mood to study.

Anyway, no one know how i am feeling. From bad to worst.

My mad genes are acting up, behaving not like me & don't even know the reason of me crying.

Just feeling sad.

Days are not like before, where everything are so good.

It sucks, just like how leemay sucks.

Although, i am looking forward to the trip, i really don't wish september to come.

It is suppose to be a happy month, yet i can imagine what will i sleep with that 3days.

That is tears & i shall keep numb about it.

I shouldn't be lying to myself. Sad means sad.

Nothing to be proud of.

& that's the fact, i shouldn't be hiding.

2010-08-24T01:25:00.002+08:00

That fear i hate.

我需要一颗定心丸。

2010-08-20T03:58:00.002+08:00

问世间情为何物，直教人生死相许。

It's a mystery.

2010-08-18T18:31:00.002+08:00

I never felt so stupid before.

Trust = Cheat?

Knock the head against the wall and just die.

No one's gonna to bother.

Insomnia,

As if they bother.

2010-08-16T00:45:00.003+08:00

STUPID

Yueming ask me to be myself.

Yea, back to the stupid girl.

I will never drop any tears, anymore.

Never Again.

I hope.

2010-08-14T02:12:00.005+08:00

When i was feeling sad and low, i almost cried.
This song came to my mind.
Suddenly i felt a source of energy coming from no where, telling me to perserve.
Leemay, there must be a way out.
& all the scene of the past came back.
That day, that rain, that promise, that swear, that tears..

I follow where you lead.
If it is fated to be, it will be.
Everything of your life is written.

The same old words, "becoz, it rained."

I TRUST, I BELIEVE & I HOPE.

2010-08-14T01:10:00.002+08:00

This is the daisy i bought after going so many places yesterday.
1 year & i am back to the same place, same spot.
The current flows in that same direction, with the same kind of wind.
Just a kitty, but sometimes, i wonder where did he go?

No one would run faster than me, I am just so so so excellent in running away from problems.
Leemay, Leemay. No matter how far you ran, the problem will still be there. You get it not?
Haix. Can i face it? I can't. No one know how fast my heart is beating. How scared i am. My hands are trembling. Do you even know?

Leemay is anti-social.
It's not a secret anymore. Everyone knows that.
It is just so me.
If i am familiar with you (eg. xylia, ym, mt) I will be the nosiest one.
If i am not, I will be that one who is anti-social, keeping quiet, staying alone.

I tried controlling my tears, but i know that i am lying to myself.
What should i do? Why is that whatever i do seems to be wrong?

This is fate.
The route was path the moment i am born.
Maybe i will die from car accident tomorrow. You won't know.

2010-08-12T01:49:00.003+08:00

It has been a year.

I will never forget, what the vet told me on the phone that night.

I will never forget that moon i saw.

Thinking back, i am tearing again.

Life is so fragile.

Although he is just a cat, he mean alot to me.

You will never know how does it feel like, unless you had a pet at home, who sleep, cry, walk, play & live with you everyday.

It's scary to receive phone calls late at night.

& i never forget how much i cried, how much i miss him.

** Doctors could save someone, and they could kill unintentionally/intentionally without anyone knowing. **

WHAT A JOKE

2010-08-12T00:30:00.001+08:00

Where is my doggie?

You can't deny the fact that, LEEMAY IS SO STUPID.

2010-08-11T01:07:00.003+08:00

I feel so tired.

是命中注定的，是我的东西，始终，依然会是属于我的！
=）

I smile.
& THIA LEE MAY, YOU ARE SO STUPID!

2010-08-08T23:01:00.002+08:00

Endless supply of watches!
Promise? hehe

I have a new watch,
I am so happyyyyy!!!! =)

TOMORROW IS NATIONAL DAY!

& I SAW GERMAINE TODAY!

2010-08-08T02:57:00.003+08:00

Can .................. the night, not come?
I know that i will be lonely.

Afraid.

2010-08-08T02:26:00.004+08:00

It's my sis! not me!!

I do not deny the fact that, i still miss him alot alot alot, because he is just so cute. Certain actions for di now, will remind me of yuan.

He used to lie down on my books and interrupt me when i was studying,
He used to be there when i am crying,
He used to wait for me every single day at the doorstep,
He used to sleep with me,
He used to watch tv with me,
He used to wait for me outside the bathroom,
He used to wake me up in the morning for school,
He used to avoid my kiss,
He used to run to me whenever i call him,
He used to play with me everynight before i sleep,
He used to sleep in my arms,
& I used to carry him on the whole journey home in my hands when i first spotted him.
& I love him.

Few days more to a year, I guess i will be alone there that day.
With a stalk of white flower.

Every month, every few days, everytime i see that moon, It will remind me of that night.
I never stop blaming myself.
Goodbye and forever, it's gone.

Thanks alot to those canto song, bring me to lala land these few nights.
& I never had a good sleep for a very long time already.
Shocked, frightened and woke up on every midnight.
It's very scary to wake up from a shock and find yourself alone.

I only wish for a goodnight sleep.
I love peace, I enjoy the quiet surroundings.

2010-08-07T00:15:00.002+08:00

Finally, IT IS SATURDAY!!
I am happy, because it is, PAY DAY!

However, i do not wish sunday to come... ... ... ... ...
Silence is the best ?

2010-08-06T17:29:00.002+08:00

effort are not paid off!
Hmm... I should do something to make myself feel happy! What should I do?
Stomach is getting crazy nowadays. hunger hunger diarrhea diarrhea. Lol...

I wish to sleep 24 hours straight if I could.

2010-08-06T02:33:00.009+08:00

I have nothing to do, Let me blog about my friendss!!

The blur ym, she is always there when i need her. Yea?

The old classmates, everyone leading their life well?

TMT! My dunno how many years of friend.

TSX!

FELLY!

YIling

GIRLS!

LIA LIA! You are inside! haha!

2010-08-06T01:25:00.002+08:00

Out of the sudden, I feel so lost, so empty, so.... lonely.
Trying to find friends to talk to & i found no one.

When there's school, i wish for holidays.
Holiday is now here, i wish for school.
School, to keep me occupy.

So stupid and silly of me.
I don't know what should i do to make everyone happy.
Why, when i make others happy, me myself is not feeling happy at all?
I'm just running away from problems.
How tired and sian life is.
Suddenly, i feel that... I don't mind breaking my bone again.
Lonely & i never like crowds.

Trying very hard, i dont know if i have enough energy to stay on.
Giving up, means giving up everything.
You, studies, family, future, myself.
I am learning to keep quiet.
Whenever i am sad, i think about what she said. I feel so stupid, feel so useless.
Eventually, there are evidence showing myself that i am useless. I am just avoiding, running away from problems.
Shutting myself from social life.
Friend will eventually stop asking me out, because they will know that i am not free.
Am i really so busy?
I feel that i have lost everything.
Sleep, Can you just let me have a good sleep? Can i sleep forever & forever?
Can i cry it out loud?

It's gonna to be a year soon.
12 aug, what will i be doing on tt day?
Girls asked me out. But i will not forget, i've to go somewhere with a stalk of flower. I can't forget. Really can't. 1 years past so fast. Can i turn the time back? I can keep numb about it, but deep down. I nv stop blaming myself. Useless. This is what i meant.

I hate the journey home.
I hate the life i am leading now.
I hate it.
& i start to ask why.
Why is it so different from others?

No one there.
Nothing.

2010-08-04T01:18:00.002+08:00

Leemay is so sleepy.
Never had a long long sleep for don't know how long already.
Everyday it's just 4 hours.

=) I had a great day though.

爱是要一起快乐至死, 身心都属你

2010-08-03T01:35:00.001+08:00

THIS POST IS SPECIALLY POSTED TO IRRITATED SOONG XYLIA!

She must be laughing when she see this post
You know how tired i am? But i promise to irritate her!
& she will spam my tag board.
Nothing better to do right?

Xylia, happy now?
I know he handsome lah. Want see just say!!
I very tired lei!
Oh, go to the 2nd song
haha, xin er is so pretty!

2010-08-02T01:09:00.002+08:00

OH MY GOD!
Leemay is getting crazy over hk dramas, actor, and actresses!
Haha. The old me is back! LOL!

I realise, i spent lots of my time on bus journey.
& i used tt time to think alot alot.
Reflection. Fantasy. Dreaming.

Drama's love story does not happen in real life.
Just think through.
Life is not the same as fairy tales.

Oh, i am damn angry now.
Whatever.
One day, when will that one day come?
When will my saviour do his job?
I am waiting, really waiting.

STOP THE ITCH!

有时候傻也是一种福分。
傻人有傻福。
傻女孩，也是一种美。

2010-07-31T01:33:00.001+08:00

My tummy is making some weird sound.
But, i do not feel like eating.

Finally, cargo is over.
& the last one, admin.

Everything would be well.
Leemay Smile =)

2010-07-30T01:08:00.003+08:00

Now i get the meaning of stupid Teacher teaches stupid student.
Nothing good will come out from a rotten apple.
Hopeless bunch of people without any guts.
Only know how to talk behind people's back.

Thinking of that make me so angry!
I have to cool down!

Cargo presentation today was........ okay i guess?
The Q&A is so tough!

I think i am getting more and more blur/ Stupid.
Stupid me, i recall how i woke up this morning make me feel like an idiot!
Too tired. Can't blame!

1 more week!
I will survive!

& weeli's hint for the exam is lyk.... studying the whole book!
Thank uh! =)

2010-07-29T02:57:00.002+08:00

Leemay is finally done with the cargo slides!
So proud of myself!
This shows that i can do things fast with time pressure!
Because tomorrow is the presentation!

Leemay fell down.
It's swollen now.
Clumsy. Cos he made me shout!

Goodnight! =)

2010-07-28T00:47:00.002+08:00

once again, leemay is crying.
Stress, irritated and tired.

I know i can't keep things in heart too long.
My hearthurts alot alot.
Cry out loud, i just cry out loud to make myself feel better.

My tears will soon become irritating & not heartaches.

Tomorrow fast fast come.
Thursday, fast fast go.

2010-07-27T03:01:00.002+08:00

It's 3am now & i have to wake at 6plus. how am i to wake up!
But i have to wake, i have sociology presentation.

I start to have the feeling, i will not do well for all the subjects.
Higher hopes gives people higher disappointment.
Oh, i need some sleep. But i need to finish up cargo, it's not even 3/4 done.
need to get it done tomorrow =(
Bye sleep.

Monday blue.
Tuesday black.
Airfield, Fun but i just hate it.
Not tested, waste my time taxi~ing the aircraft.

=( Wednesday and weekend!
Faster come! =(

I envy......................................
hmm.. i have to wait.

2010-07-25T23:43:00.002+08:00

I had a 3hr of bus jouney today
Took countless of buses.
& i sat 20mins from pasir ris to bedok on the mrt. WTH!

Anw, i have to do things fast today!
Report! I will kill you man!

... The bangala kitten really make me feel like...
Is he the one after 1 whole long year of loneliness at home?
But, too bad, i can't bring him home =(

Wait and Wait.
But still i had a great day =)
Sunday is always lovely.

2010-07-25T01:16:00.003+08:00

What do you see in the picture?
What do you see in yourself?

Lips is always feeling dry nowadays.
Leemay's body is full of mosquitoe bites.
Oh, maybe increase the chance of getting dengue fever.
I have fever too! Always feeling cold.
Unusual eh?

Next tue --> Sociology Presentation & Deadline for Sociology Test
Next Wed --> Airport Admin Quiz
Next Thurs --> Cargo Report submittion and Presentation

I am going to be DEAD!

But holidays is coming!!
Countdown! 2 more weeks!
Meaning, national day is coming!
Excited yea? I am!

OH, people tend to think more when they grow older. Sound familiar?
Yep, I will always put in mind what grandma said.
& cherish.
Thinking and thinking.
When you have nothing to do, sit down close your eyes, use your heart to feel and think. I did some reflection on myself.

I thought that others is always wrong.
But the fact is that, i am the one who is wrong.

There is some problem with my vein.
& myself.

This world is actually beautiful.
Depends on how you look at it.

你是上天赐给我的礼物，
别人看不见你的好，可是我看得见。
我爱你。

2010-07-23T00:46:00.003+08:00

Leemay is sick!

Down with fever, flu, sorethroat.
I had a tough time falling asleep last night with my blocked nose & hurting throat.
Thankfully, i have a flu medicine to make me drowsy & xin ku. LOL.
Mum has a sexy voice, so do i! LOL!
I am just slightly better than her, and recover fast!
I look pale anyway!

Stupid doctor!
So simple, i also know how to be doctor can!
Don't know how you can get the cert lo.. NERD!
But this nerd is good enough to be me 2days mc, but is of no use can.

Juli suprise me with a phone call today.
"Hi, i am ms ng" i was wondering who is ms ng (we usually call her juli behind her!) until she tell me about the quiz.
"Tomorrow 10am, in my staffroom."
Okay...... I can't run away from the quiz lah!
She is damn efficient lo.

oh, flight ops to be done tonight!
hopefuly i have the inspiration to do it.
Just 800 words, yes, i can do it!

Next wk, sociology presentation early in the morning & Cargo presentation + report & Airport admin, the following wk.

I can die from projects!
No wonder i fall sick so often.

Sometimes, i feel myself very useless.
Things that happened just proves that, i can't handle things well.

2010-07-20T01:54:00.001+08:00

LG crystal and my pixon 12 is so tempting..
Sadly, i go to bed.

Oh, i am left with my assignment for flight ops!
Gonna to finish it on wed!
Easy i guess?
haha!

Airfield is done!
I am so proud of myself

You know what?
Time table for exam is out.
Nothing goes well on hari raya.

2010-07-18T03:05:00.002+08:00

Do you know how much my heart hurts?

Goodnight.

2010-07-17T02:45:00.003+08:00

A day at the bubble tea shop ....

I am dead with all the projects and assignment piling up!

Airline flight ops assignment - Have not start!***
Airport Admin Project - Have not start!
Sociology Project - Starting now!
CArgo PRoject - Just started
Airfield - COmpleting, hopefully ***
Sociology Assignment - Completed. ***

*** are the ones to be handed up next week!
Oh, i am going to die!

My brain works extremly fast with time pressuring me.
I want me sleep!
So, i better finish with sociology project for my part tonight!

JIAYOU LEEMAY!
=D